Friday, August 7, 2015

A LADY'S HORROR IN THE TREATMENT ROOM

Category: On The Wall

When you become accustomed to profiling everyone you meet based on certain preconceived notions, you may be in danger of making grave mistakes - mistakes that could accompany you to the grave or even qualify you for an early trip gravewards.


By profiling, I mean such unfortunate generalizations as “Every Black man is a thug,” “Every White man is “civilized”,” “Every Igbo man is avaricious,” “Every Calabar girl is a pervert,” “Every Yoruba girl is dirty,” “Every Hausa man is an islamist terrorist,” “Every Edo girl is a Nigerian ambassador to Italy,” “Every Ghanaian…” I guess you get my drift.


A woman in her 50s - who, judging from the style of her headgear, might have belonged to the Deeper Life Church - came to see us on account of her fibroids. After having a chat with her, we had her taken to the ultrasound scan room where we intended to run a transvaginal ultrasound scan for her.

We noted that when she came into the room, had been properly positioned for the scan, and the scan was underway, her eyes rested on something behind and above the level of our head and her face dissolved into different contortions of sheer horror. But she did not speak, and we did not prod. We had a job to do; our business was with the ultrasound scan monitor, not with her facial features.

After the scan, she was in a hurry to leave, barely waiting to pick up the scan result and declining our attempt to discuss our findings with her.

After her abrupt departure, we wondered what it was she saw that discomfited her so. So we returned to the ultrasound scan room and looked up at the place where her eyes had been - and burst into laughter.

There, sitting innocent and proud on a shelf, was a box of condoms.

The condoms we use on the probes for the ultrasound scans. 

Yea. Did you know that? That condoms have uses other than the one most popularly listed on their USES résumé? And that one of those uses is as cover for the ultrasound probe when you go in for a transvaginal ultrasound scan?

I bet she didn’t know that.

Now you do.

As for the lady, she must have left, convinced of our reserved place of honour in Hell, at the right hand of Lucifer.

Not every Nigerian policeman is corrupt.