Funke Egbemode: Welcome, Mr Mbu, the ‘Awolumate’

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Welcome, Mr Mbu, the ‘Awolumate’

Hi, Mr Mbu. Welcome to our zone. Hope your day is going on well. As soon as your transfer was announced, virtually everybody you will need to deal with, and those you may never meet, went on the offensive. Those who are not warning you are al­ready issuing veiled threats. They cer­tainly have their reasons; your reputa­tion preceded you. Lol. But I am going to give you benefit of the doubt, or at least a home-grown advice.

The Yoruba people have a saying which simply translates that the stranger in town who does not end up disgraced is the one who knows his limits and is care­ful. Awolumate iwon ara e lo mo. So, as a member of this town you are passing through, I urge you to be careful, do your job so we can send you forth with a song and a dance. I know you are a very ex­perienced policeman who has worked in different parts of this kingdom. You have served the king the way the king wants to be served. I’m even sure you have risked your life for this kingdom and its people. I won’t be surprised if you once took a bullet or two in the line of duty. I know you could not have won those stars on your shoulders by not doing the job you were commissioned to do after training. However, I am worried, just like many others, that nobody remembers those brave acts, those times you put your life on the line to protect families and prop­erties, the times you worked all night so we could sleep and snore. I’m worried as a mother, as a sister, a daughter when I put myself in the shoes of those who care about you and the kind of reception they get in ordinary places when they intro­duce themselves as your friend or rela­tive. And Nigerians are like that, if you punch them in the nose, they instantly forget you once defended them. It’s worse with the Yoruba. Those ones are like elephants, they have long memories, cast-iron hard discs, and memory cards with ad-infinitum capacity.

You probably are a good man with a great sense of humour. Maybe you are even a gentleman but all I hear is Mbu means trouble, trouble, and more trouble. I don’t hear anybody rolling out drums or popping champagne. The vibes I get is the we-don’t-want-this-man-here kind. Somebody even called me on the night of your arrival and announced your post­ing like Patrick Sawyer and Ebola had ar­rived all over again. So unfair, abi?

But you know this about your season in Rivers state. You cannot build on that Rivers house. You have to see this post­ing as what we call make-good in the newsroom. You have to be like Awolu­mate who knew his limits.

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This article by Funke Egbemode originally appeared in the January 25, 2015 edition of the Sunday Sun as well as on its online edition of same date.