PAID FOR WITH YOUR TITHES

Monday, January 19, 2015

Kunle:

GEJ has become the first president to slash the price of petrol. This is the clearest demonstration yet of the government's commitment to the Transformation Agenda.

Somto:

Oh no, he wasn't the first Nigerian president to reduce the pump price of petrol. There was President Yar'Adua before him.

Kunle:

Oh well, at least he was the first president to increase the price of petrol AND THEN reduce it. 

Somto:

Fantastic!!! Do you have to go to such great pains to prove he was the first to do something?

Kunle:

You see, there are too many of your ilk of Nigerians who just don't see that GEJ has been the best president we have ever had. But you have to agree that he is, after all, the lesser evil when compared to that old, sick, retired army general who doesn't even remember his deputy's name. And you have to agree that he was the first president to increase AND THEN decrease the pump price of petrol (or gasoline), in each case in response to the yearnings of Nigerians.

Somto:

Well, I will let that pass, just this once, and pretend you did not justify it as a response to the yearnings of Nigerians. Could he be the first Nigerian president to slash church tithes already? 

Kunle:

The Pope will not be thrilled by that. 

Somto:

The Pope's version of Christianity is not known to be thrilled by tithes. 

Kunle:

That may be the case, but reducing tithes would not be in the national interest.

Somto:

But how? How do tithe payments further national interest? And how does slashing tithes militate against those interests?

Kunle:

Tithes provide jet fuel for pastors' planes which are routinely used to carry weapons in order to fight Boko Haram.

Somto:

Pastors' planes routinely used as military transport aircraft? Isn't that a trifle absurd?

Kunle:

Nothing is absurd when you put on and faithfully use the lens of Transformation. Your vision is transformed by it. Besides, no sacrifice is too great to make for the nation.

Somto:

I see the problem, Kunle. All that holy water you have been drinking has not treated you kindly...

Kunle:

My good man, you should get some of the holy water too; they are your entitlement. All the holy water bottles have the inscription: "PAID FOR WITH YOUR TITHES".

TEXT OF A FICTITIOUS CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS.

This article was inspired by a Facebook post by one of my friends, Kainene Cjn, following the reduction in pump price of petrol (gasoline) by the Nigerian Federal Government from NGN97.00 to NGN87.00 on January 18, 2015.