RELIGION AND RELIGIOTS

Category: A Set of Random Thoughts

In recent times, I have read about people who have been suspended from their jobs or jailed because they refused to carry out certain duties that run contrary to the tenets of their individual faiths.

Great news. It is always cheering to see humans who are ready to stand up for what they believe in - even where taking that stand may mean suffering withheld paychecks and in some cases jail time. But there is also something troubling in (some of) these stories.

Before one takes on a job in the public service sector, one should study the job description; one should find out what one’s responsibilities to the public would be, should one elect to take up the job. One should be sure that those responsibilities are responsibilities that one can discharge to the best of their ability and without any impediment. And where such an impediment exists but one is determined to take up the job nonetheless, one should be certain that there are alternatives that allow them to legally escape doing the (offending aspect of the) job while simultaneously ensuring that that (aspect of the) job gets done - at little or no extra cost to the employer.

It is irresponsible to take on a job and then refuse to do the job on grounds as shoddy as religion. People who do that should not just be suspended. They should be jailed and made to pay a fine for willfully deceiving the system into believing they were capable of doing their job.

And when they die, they should - kindly - be sent to Hell.

Rubbish.

TO THE LADY THAT TOOK MY HEART - AND KEPT IT

Category: A Set Of Random Thoughts

I want to sing a hymn today. Yea, a hymn to my sweetheart, my love, the woman whose every breath is my heartbeat, whose every footfall is an apple in my eyes. There is another song I know, a song that calls her the Virgin of virgins, of David’s royal blood. But you see, I never knew King David. The State of Israel may have David’s star as their insignia, but my love is the Morning Star that rises, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as the mightiest of David’s armies set in battle array.

My soul magnifies the Lord today, and my spirit will for ever rejoice in the Lord my Savior. For he has raised up a lowly handmaid and has set her before the universe as the Star of the Sea, before the many mansions in the Father’s House as the House of Gold, before philosophers as the Seat of Wisdom, before the successful as the Cause of our Joy, before the oppressed as the Mirror of Justice and the Comforter of the Afflicted, before my patients as the Health of the Sick, before the repentant as the Refuge of Sinners, before all men, Russians and Americans, Hindus and Muslims, Fulanis and the people of Jos, as the Queen of Peace.

Not everyone understands the Assumption. I am among the many who do not. And this is why I acknowledge it as a mystery. 

But I know that today, I have in my heart a love song I would like to sing to the woman that I love, using words that have yet to be crafted, to communicate emotions that I feel, yet find impossible to express. I cannot reduce my love for you to expressions made word to ear, ink to scroll, pen to paper. What I feel for you is far deeper, far more precious, far more sublime than any pictures can paint, any words relate.

Thank you Mother Mary for giving me Baby Jesus. 

And thank you Jesus Crucified for giving your mother Mary to your disciple John…

...and to me.

A LADY'S HORROR IN THE TREATMENT ROOM

Category: On The Wall

When you become accustomed to profiling everyone you meet based on certain preconceived notions, you may be in danger of making grave mistakes - mistakes that could accompany you to the grave or even qualify you for an early trip gravewards.

By profiling, I mean such unfortunate generalizations as “Every Black man is a thug,” “Every White man is “civilized”,” “Every Igbo man is avaricious,” “Every Calabar girl is a pervert,” “Every Yoruba girl is dirty,” “Every Hausa man is an islamist terrorist,” “Every Edo girl is a Nigerian ambassador to Italy,” “Every Ghanaian…” I guess you get my drift.

A woman in her 50s - who, judging from the style of her headgear, might have belonged to the Deeper Life Church - came to see us on account of her fibroids. After having a chat with her, we had her taken to the ultrasound scan room where we intended to run a transvaginal ultrasound scan for her.

We noted that when she came into the room, had been properly positioned for the scan, and the scan was underway, her eyes rested on something behind and above the level of our head and her face dissolved into different contortions of sheer horror. But she did not speak, and we did not prod. We had a job to do; our business was with the ultrasound scan monitor, not with her facial features.

After the scan, she was in a hurry to leave, barely waiting to pick up the scan result and declining our attempt to discuss our findings with her.

After her abrupt departure, we wondered what it was she saw that discomfited her so. So we returned to the ultrasound scan room and looked up at the place where her eyes had been - and burst into laughter.

There, sitting innocent and proud on a shelf, was a box of condoms.

The condoms we use on the probes for the ultrasound scans. 

Yea. Did you know that? That condoms have uses other than the one most popularly listed on their USES résumé? And that one of those uses is as cover for the ultrasound probe when you go in for a transvaginal ultrasound scan?

I bet she didn’t know that.

Now you do.

As for the lady, she must have left, convinced of our reserved place of honour in Hell, at the right hand of Lucifer.

Not every Nigerian policeman is corrupt.

I AM NOT PREGNANT BUT MY BREAST IS DISCHARGING MILK...

Category: Medicine | Health | Wellness

BEWARE OF LONG SENTENCES. THIS POST HAS MANY OF THEM.

In early June, I received this rather terse SMS from someone:

“had a terrible day! was with a girl this morning and discovered her breasts had milk or something. she denied having a baby. i am scared!”

As many of my friends are in the habit of playing pranks on me (some of them no doubt returning favors similar to the ones I had previously done them), I decided that this was another prank and therefore thought nothing about it until, several text messages and phone calls later, I realized the dude was serious about being scared - of his girlfriend’s milk-making!!! 

I have just evaluated another patient this afternoon for a similar complaint. 

Between that SMS and today, I have seen at least 12 patients with the same problem - they are not breastfeeding mothers, yet their breasts are making (and oozing) milk. So yea, this deserves a post.

We think nothing of breastfeeding mothers. It is absolutely normal for a woman who has a child suckling at her breast to be able to discharge from that breast something that rewards the child for its suckling efforts, yea? However, we are worried when we manipulate our breasts - or breasts that, for whatever reason, we feel somewhat entitled to, albeit temporarily - and get for our efforts, nipples discharging fluid rather than nipples stiffening in anticipation...it bothers us because it is not the normal response that we are used to or that we have come to expect. It also bothers us because a lot of people have told us about breast lumps, breast cancers, and the like.

Well, that condition - the one where an adult non-pregnant female who is not breastfeeding, (whether she be in her reproductive years or long past them), has a milky discharge coming from her nipples, either of their own accord, or when someone manipulates them - that condition is called galactorrhea (or, in Britspell, galactorrhoea). 

Although I have specifically mentioned women in this definition, it may also occur in men. It may also occur in newborns, but that is usually because of a hormonal abnormality in the mother during her pregnancy.

Why does this condition occur?

Well, quite frankly, there are a number of things that may cause this. Sometimes, it may be possible to determine the cause, at other times not.

A lot of times however, the condition results when your body produces too much of the hormone that controls milk production when you have a baby. That hormone is called prolactin.

Now, why would your body just decide to go on a prolactin production bazaar? What could be responsible?

1. If you take cocaine or some other drugs like opioids, some antidepressants , or certain anti-kolo drugs among others, those may be responsible.
2. Certain herbal concoctions cause increased prolactin levels.
3. If you are taking oral contraceptive pills, be aware that some of them may be responsible.
4. If your brain has a kind of tumor called a pituitary tumor, that tumor may be producing high levels of prolactin which will lead to that milky breast discharge.

There are other reasons you may begin to notice a milky breast discharge, including:

1. use of certain medications against hypertension.
2. excessive breast stimulation by you or by your sexual partner(s) as part of foreplay.
3. excessive nipple manipulation during overzealous breast self-examinations.
4. the existence of a protracted kidney disease or of some diseases of the thyroid gland (the thyroid gland is a gland in the neck).
5. certain types of chest injuries as well as some spinal cord injuries.

Sometimes, in addition to the discharge from the breasts (it may affect either or both breasts), you may notice a headache. Your menstrual periods may or may not be affected - but you will not know for sure if your periods are affected and to what extent if you have the bad habit of not keeping a calendar!!!

What to do?

You should see a gynecologist. 

Before going to the gynecologist, however, 

1. take some time to look carefully at the discharge. You are looking to confirm that the discharge is all milk and no blood; note that it should be more important to you that there is no blood in the discharge than that it is all milk.
2. Note when the discharge started. Doctors just love to ask “when did this start?”. Humor them. They are not babalawos. If they were, you wouldn’t be wearing your shoes in their office.
3. Note any and all other symptoms you have, even if you think they are unrelated to this particular complaint. What you think and what the doctor knows to be the case may be very, very different.
4. Note the date of your last menstrual period and the date of the one before that and the one before that. Note also any changes in your period since you noticed the discharge. By changes I mean things like whether the flow is heavier, whether it is more or less painful than usual, you know, stuff like that.
5. Run a pregnancy test if you can. (You actually can).
6. Note all the medications you had taken before you noticed the discharge (and this includes all the herbals you have taken). If you had taken any medications after noticing the discharge, please note them too.
7. Oh, and puhleeeeaaaase, keep a menstrual calendar. You may not learn to do so from watching the Kardashians but then...

Sometimes, you cannot get to see a gynecologist as soon as you would like to. In cases like that,

1. adopt other methods of foreplay. Just leave the breasts alone.
2. stop traumatizing your breasts in the name of breast self-exams. Be more gentle in checking for lumps and so on. And perform those self-exams no more than once a month.
3. ease up on the cocaine, if you can. You may no longer get your highs, but then, there will also be no spilled milk to cry over.
4. get and use breast pads - especially if the discharge flows out even when you don’t squeeze. That way, you will not have to explain the cause of the embarrassing wetness that could appear on your clothes.

In fewer words,

If you have a breast discharge, or you notice that someone you care for has a breast discharge, examine the discharge. If it is clear, yellowish, or bloody, please check for any breast lumps and urgently see a doctor. It may be a sign of an underlying breast cancer. If it is milky however, it may not be cancerous, but you need to see a doctor all the same.

If you see a gynecologist and he examines you and conducts tests for you and determines that the breast discharge is nothing for you to worry about, then please quit worrying. Your worry will neither reduce the milkiness of the discharge nor its quantity.

GIVING THE FINGER TO HAUGHTY OFFICIALS OF EUROPE'S BEGGAR NATION

Category: On The Wall

The Deputy Head of Mission 

Embassy of Spain 

Accra, Ghana 

26th April 2015 

Dear Sir: 

I applied for a short-term visa to attend a medical conference in Barcelona from 26th April to 29th April 2015 and by your response dated 22nd April 2015 I had been denied an entry visa to your country. As was written in your rejection letter, I have an option of lodging a contentious-administrative appeal at the High Court of Justice of Madrid (Spain) within a two-month deadline counting from the date of serving. Since it is nigh impossible for me to get myself to Madrid and lodge my appeal I have decided to personally write to you for some clarification. 

The reasons for denying me an entry visa were that the information regarding the justification for the purpose and conditions of the intended stay was not reliable and also that my intention to leave your country before the expiry of the visa could not be ascertained. 

I know it is your prerogative to decide whom to grant a visa to but I feel personally insulted for the reasons you have given for the denial. 

I am a highly trained orthopedic surgeon with specialty interest in orthopedic sports medicine and complex joint reconstruction. I have been a doctor for the past 20yrs. My current positions are: 

1. Consultant Orthopedic Surgeon at the KorleBu Teaching Hospital 

2. Lecturer at the University of Ghana Medical School 

3. Fellow of the West African College of Surgeons 

4. Consultant for West Africa Rescue Association (WARA). (I treat patients from the expatriate and diplomatic community including quite a number from Spain) I am sure if you were to injure yourself, am the most likely surgeon that you will be referred to. 

I have attended medical conferences in Germany, Switzerland, South Africa, Japan, Canada, USA and Norway. Incidentally all these countries found my purpose for travelling justifiable except you. The letter of invitation I presented to you was written by a renowned surgeon in Madrid who trained in the same institution as I did in the United States. But I guess you did not find a letter written by such a person credible enough. 

I find it laughable that you think I will not return to Ghana and end up as an illegal immigrant in Spain where people of my skin tone are treated as second-class citizens. I have a wife and children whom I do not intend to abandon. Although I do not consider myself wealthy, I am very comfortable economically and have investments in property and other assets in Ghana. How did you ever come to the conclusion that I was a flight risk? 

May I kindly remind you of some basic facts about your country? 

1. The unemployment rate in Spain presently is 25% and youth unemployment tops 50%. Why will I leave a stable job and to go and join the unemployment ranks in your country. 

2. From January 2009 to end of 2013, 400,000 Spaniards emigrated to look for work outside of your country. And this is expected to rise in the coming years. 

3. Doctors in Spain are the least/worst paid in the whole Euro zone. Why will I want to go work in a country where my counterparts are leaving in droves for economic reasons? 

4. In the year 2012, it is on record that 2405 medical doctors applied for certification to work abroad, according to The Medical Spanish Association – a 75% increase compared with 2011. 83% of doctors seek jobs in Europe (mainly the UK and France) and 7% America. 

5. In 2009, the Health Ministry warned that there was a shortage and that the country needed around 3,200 more doctors. By 2025, at the present rate the shortfall will be around 25,000. The Spanish government has talked of increasing the number of university and medical school places, as well as making it easier for overseas personnel to work here. 

Sir, as a representative of the country of Spain, you have failed woefully in your responsibility to promote the interest of your country by denying me a visa. My skill, knowledge and experience will be invaluable to the Spanish people even if I decided not to come back to Ghana. Furthermore my budget for this conference topped €5000. This is the amount of money that would have been injected into the Spanish economy in a week. Can you imagine the economic loss if all the doctors from all over the world attending this conference were denied entry into Spain? I was due to present two papers and since I was not able to go I have informed the conveners of the conference of my inability to attend. This is an international conference and can you imagine the embarrassment your compatriot doctors will feel when it is announced that I could not present my scientific papers because you denied me a visa? Never mind that I cannot get a full refund for my ticket and my total booking for the hotel is not refundable. 

Given the reason for visa rejection, a detailed explanation on which aspects of my application did not provide sufficient evidence that I will return to Ghana is most welcome. I am particularly curious to know of the lofty economic standards set for Ghanaians to visit to Spain when Spaniards themselves barely meet these standards. 

Yours truly, 

Dr Agbeko Ocloo MB.ChB FWACS 

Consultant Orthopedic Surgeon 

Cc: 

The Ambassador 

Emabssy of Spain 

Accra, Ghana