A Song For The Army - Ose Oyamendan

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I never really liked Soldiers. They were always too clean. Their uniforms were always too immaculate. Their boots were often so spotless you could make up your face while staring at them. For some people in the days of the dictatorship, those boots sometimes kicked their butts because some soldiers felt like stretching their legs.

It didn’t help that, as kids, even the baby soldiers kicked our collective butts at Independence Day and Children Day’s parades. We used to spend hours over several weeks practising our marching steps and, even at our best: we knew we were competing for second best.

Those brats from Army Children School in Mokola in Ibadan always seem to move like robots. It was never a fair competition. I remember the first time another primary school won, the whole of Liberty Stadium erupted in cheers. We had beaten the common enemy. Until the next parade.

Growing up, I associated the army with everything that was wrong with life and Nigeria. All you had to do sometimes was step out of the house and you will some military men flogging motorists or asking hapless citizens to frog jump as if it was an Olympic sport trial. If you flipped through the newspapers, you were likely to read of military combats in distant lands with frightening casualty figures.

It didn’t help that in school you read about how the army killed your heroes in the first Republic and proceeded to engineer a civil war that killed hundred of thousands of Nigerians. It didn’t help that one of your earliest memories was of a certain General Muhammadu Buhari took over as Head of State and the sign of progress were long queues of people trying to buy rice and sugar because of some weird economic policy that only soldiers can dream up.

Then one day while working as a staffer on Capitol Hill, I happened to be at a Veterans Day event where I met a war veteran that looked like my age mate. He had lost a limb in the Gulf War and, apart from his stern mien, he didn’t show any bitterness. When you work in politics, you have to show a heart and that starts with knowing the people you serve. So, I got talking to the kid.

I wanted to know why he would do such a silly thing as joining a fighting force and going to war. He didn’t even blink or stutter when he responded that it was an honor to fight for his country and he would do it again. He melted my heart. It occurred to me that this kid was ready to lose his life so that liberal, anti-war, skirt-chasing, hard-partying propagandists like me can be safe in our cozy beds at home.

That day, I started looking at the rank and file of the military in a different light. I didn’t feel I owe them my life but I know they deserve my gratitude.

When I think of the military these days, I think a lot of the Nigerian army as they battle for the soul of the country. It must be a dire situation for an army that never expected to fight a war within Nigeria.

Yet, some Nigerians seem to revel in the advance of the insurgents, thinking it’s a cloud over Goodluck Jonathan’s presidency. It may be. But, this is not Jonathan’s Nigeria. It is our Nigeria. And, the only winners when we’re this divided are the enemies, namely Boko Haram.

The army deserves our praise, not condemnation. Yes, they run from the insurgents sometimes. But, they also do die keeping us together. Yes, they lack the wherewithal to fight an effective battle. But, do we know that when the Generals were in power they decided to strip the military of infrastructure, weapons and training so as to keep a tight leash on political power? Do our politicians know that every loss of life and acreage is not the President’s loss but Nigeria’s? Do we realize that one day Jonathan will cease to be President but we will still have Nigeria?

The Boko Haram warlords probably go to bed at night with the sounds of a section of the Nigerian media as lullaby. The media seem too eager to up one another in glorifying the dastardly act of the insurgents whose only contribution to Nigeria is mayhem. When you flip through the newspapers after another attack, you get a feeling that Boko Haram must have written paragraphs of the report. It’s worse on the social media. It feels like we celebrate the death of compatriots.

In all these, we seem to forget that the army is dying for the country. They put their lives on the line for a country that does not seem to appreciate them, a military command that doesn’t seem to have prepared them adequately for battle and a political leadership that sends mixed signals to the battlefield.

One day very soon, these long suffering men of the Nigerian army will win all of Nigeria again. We shouldn’t wait until that day to show them our gratitude. We should start now and everyday. They may be soldiers but they are Nigerian soldiers, fighting for Nigeria.

Culled from here.

6 Management Lessons That Everyone Should Know - from Tickld.com

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Four Legs Good...Two Legs Bad

Monday, November 17, 2014

NOTA BENE

IF YOU NEVER READ "ANIMAL FARM" BY GEORGE ORWELL, YOU MAY FIND THIS PIECE RATHER PUZZLING.

Four legs good, two legs bad…Four legs good, two legs bad…

Doesn’t that phrase sound just a tad familiar?

If you ever read that 1945 satire called “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, then you probably came across a point in Chapter 3 where Snowball provided a condensation of the Seven Commandments of Animalism – commandments which were themselves a summary of the highlights of the rousing call to animal unity given by Old Major. The condensation offered by Snowball was the slogan "Four legs good, two legs bad". That slogan helped simplify the Principles of Animalism because it taught the most simple-minded of animals the basic lesson that Animalism was founded on resistance to anything human; because humans walked on two legs whereas animals walked on all fours, it was easy to classify those beings that walked on two legs (and by extension, the values that they stood for) as bad ... Of course a clarification had to be supplied at some point that exempted pigeons and other birds from the stigma of being two-legged…

Four legs good, two legs bad…

That phrase is also familiar for another reason – it appears to form the foundational principle on which the statements and activities of the PDP and the APC are based.

The Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and the All Progressives Congress (APC) are two major political parties in Nigeria as of November 2014. The former group is most popularly represented by an umbrella, whereas for the latter group, a broom fulfils a similar role.

For the people of the Broom, those who carry the Umbrella are thieves. For the people of the Umbrella, those who carry the Broom are brigands.

When the umbrella keeps out the rain and keeps the people dry, the people of the Broom condemn the umbrella for denying the people an opportunity for a good rainwater bath.

When the broom removes the cobwebs in the office, the Umbrella wielders condemn the broom for destroying such a sophisticated example of arthropod artistry, by so doing, depriving the world of the beauties of Nature.

Because each of the two political platforms seems to have a manifesto defined by indiscriminate opposition to whatever the other stands for, their knee-jerk reaction to any announcements or activities by the opposing party seems to conform to the principle of Four legs good, Two legs bad... The legs are bad not because they are legs but because they are two in number - and the same legs that are bad when they are two, become good when they are four.

Besides, because in my opinion, the track record of the APC for tolerating and encouraging impunity and corruption exactly mirrors that of the PDP, I, as an ordinary Nigerian cannot even determine whether it is the four legs that are the problem or whether it is the two legs. In many ways, I find myself in the same position as the animals did towards the end of "Animal Farm". This is the point where Napoleon and other pigs were at a table, playing a card game with Pilkington and other humans who were visiting in the farm, (the name of the farm had by now reverted to Manor Farm from the revolutionary Animal Farm). As the animal onlookers at the window watched the players play and quarrel, they suddenly realized, looking from Napoleon to Pilkington and then back to Napoleon, that they could no longer distinguish which was man and which was pig.

Four legs good, two legs better…

Don’t type Amen. Just roll your sleeves and get to work.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Although some people refer to South Africa as the rainbow nation, it is in Nigeria that one can find the best example yet of a coat of many colors. Here, I am not talking about our cultural diversity. I am not referring to the multitude of ethnic nationalities, the plethora of autonomous communities, and the plurality of linguistic groups that form a breath-taking mosaic in the space that we occupy south of the Sahara. 

No.

I am referring to our socio-religious mix. Our mix of a core of ancient superstitions coated with a veneer of Christian religiosity which has - unfortunately - produced in many of us an unstable psychological amalgam wherein we are content to hands-off, sit back, and “wait on the Lord” like He is some kind of magician who rewards laziness with miracles.

This is why I was thrilled when this morning, I saw a post on Facebook (pictured) by a friend from high school days. This post is quite inspirational, as inspirational as the life of the writer Kainene himself – this Kainene is no biological relation to Chimamanda Adichie’s Kainene in Half Of A Yellow Sun, but the similarities exist in other departments.

Beyond the inspiration that the meat of his piece provides, it closes with an admonition summarized in two sentences that I find quite instructive for all Nigerians today:

Don’t type Amen. Just roll your sleeves and get to work.

And the Holy Book agrees in James 2:17, where it says:

Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

In other news, Thank God it’s Friday. Now looking at the clock and waiting till it’s 17:59.

A Word About Sex Headaches

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I generally avoid topics that have a predominantly sexual content. However, because I have, in recent times, come across a few men who have very bitterly complained of headaches following sexual activity, I consider it necessary to drop a few lines about this not-so-common yet commonly distressful condition.

Sex headaches are triggered by sexual activity and, in most affected people, specifically by orgasm. The nature of the headache varies from a dull ache in the head and neck that builds up as sexual excitement waxes on the one hand, to a sudden, severe (or even “explosive”) headache that occurs just before or during orgasm on the other. Whatever the nature of the headache, it tends to last from several minutes to several hours. The severity of the headaches and the thoroughness with which they disrupt and even distort what should otherwise be a very pleasurable sexual experience both contribute to the high level of anxiety displayed by those affected when they come to a health facility to seek help.

People who undergo these headaches may suffer several distressful episodes of the headache within a short time interval, punctuated by relatively long periods (several months) without any symptoms.

A sex headache can be provoked by any type of sexual activity that ultimately leads to orgasm; this means that in addition to the more common vaginal sex, activities like oral sex, anal sex, and masturbation can trigger sex headaches.

You are at risk of suffering from a sex headache if you are a man. You are also likely to suffer from this discomfort if you are already prone to attacks of migraine.

Although most sex headaches are ultimately harmless, some may be warning signs of an impending stroke or may result from a problem of the blood vessels in the head known as an intracranial aneurysm, an underlying heart-related condition known as coronary artery disease, and some kinds of infections.

If you have a sex headache, especially if it is occurring for the first time, you should make an appointment with your doctor. For that appointment to be fully beneficial to you, you need to have gleaned the following information about your sex headaches in order to pass it on to your doctor:

• -      When the sex headache first started
• -      Whether it comes before or during orgasm
• -      Whether it is continuous or intermittent
• -    Whether passive sexual encounters and/or less vigorous exertion during sex results in reduced intensity of the headaches

Your doctor will naturally want to check your blood pressure and do a number of tests that will alert him if the headaches are due to an on-going, more serious condition.

In the event that there is no serious underlying disease to be scared of, you may be diagnosed with coital cephalalgia; this is an "obahiagbonic" term that implies that for a short while, you will be given a few pills, as well as this piece of advice:

“Please take it easy when next you have your private moments with your lady (or partner). You may have to allow her play a more active role in bed; after all, what a man can do…”